Tame Your Crazy

Share your calm not your crazy!

We all hope to pass down the best parts of ourselves. I hope that King develops my love for reading. Although I don’t have much time for it these days. I hope that he has an appreciation for the arts and is creative in some way. We never intend to pass down our challenges or bad habits. I have had some challenges with depression and anxiety. Now my child is exhibiting signs of anxiety. You can’t out smart genetics and energy.

Up until now my son has been a very gregarious child. So much so, that sometimes it made me uncomfortable. My child is cute and likes to talk to strangers. Which in turn requires me to be social. I have learned to just smile and nod and then push King forward so we can continue doing whatever we were doing before he decided to make a new friend.

He is not that way anymore. This year I changed my child’s preschool because I didn’t feel like they were preparing him for kindergarten. At his new school there are fewer students. As an educator I know that the ratio for teacher to student should be low so that children can get more individualized instruction. Also his teachers look like him which I think is important in the formative years. I think I change my mind, more on that later.

King is being pushed academically. This is something he isn’t used to. King also inherited his father’s competitiveness. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing but when it is paired with his mother’s perfectionism things can get tricky. He has homework every night except on the weekends, his teachers are as stern as Catholic nuns and he has only one other male student his age to connect with. The other night while doing homework King asked, “is this perfect?”

WTF? Danger! Danger!

After I freaked out in my head, I calmly responded “It doesn’t have to be perfect son, just do your best.”

I was looking into a mirror, with the light shining brightly on my shadow self. Instead of learning my child, I was dictating who I wanted him to be. Unintentionally, I may have triggered the anxiety. I’m sorry King, mommy is doing the best she can.

To help him cope I started putting Rescue Remedy in his water bottle. Every morning he asks me a million times who is going to pick him up as if the certainty of this helps him get through the day easier. Sometimes he says he doesn’t want to go to school- this shreds my heart. And he asks what time is he being picked up. He can’t even tell time. Poor baby.

I can’t front, the academic gains he is making are impressive. But at what cost? But, I also want to raise a resilient child. I don’t what to rescue him every time things get hard. But, he is only four. Oy vey!

We also do yoga together. I introduced yoga by using this book. We practice breathing exercising as a way to manage when he is feeling nervous or scared.

I took pics of all the brown children in the book because that matters to me.

I also give him lots hugs and kisses. I tell him I love him all the time. I want him to know he doesn’t have to earn my love. It is here for him just because. I also want him to enjoy academic rigor-I know that sounds crazy as I talk about Pre-K, but that is a pitfall of being an educator. The husband and I are discussing moving him, again. (judge yourself)
I want him to reach a few more bench marks before we do but his happiness trumps all of everything. I will fill in any academic gaps and King can get back to being himself.

Meanwhile, I’m doing my best to share my calm and not my crazy. Namaste.

But are you having fun though? 7 ways to add more fun into your life.

Hey Party People,

I am officially on summer break. Thank ya! The good Lawd ended the school year right before I passed out from exhaustion. I don’t appreciate being dragged to the edge like this! This school year we buried a principal and a student. I spent so much time taking care of others meanwhile I was being held together with cheap scotch tape. Ole church people teach you not to question God but that has never made any sense to me. I got questions, lot’s of them! Why lawd?

In an effort to fill the holes that were poked in my spirit I am being deliberate about having fun. Everyday this summer I am waking up with the desire to find more joy. You know I’m a social scientist and I love being my own guinea pig. You know I am a social scientist and I love being my own guinea pig. Click To Tweet Here are seven ways that I plan on having fun this summer, on purpose.

  1. Taking dance classes. Dance reminds me of my childhood. Growing up I took classes and performed. Dance allows me to be free and creative. It is also a beautiful place to channel my fire. Raqs shaqui aka belly dance, is a style of dance that I discovered as an adult. I have practiced off and on for years. This dance allows me to celebrate myself. In belly dance class I smile at myself in the mirror moving in the most natural feminine ways and having the best time!
  2. Yoga in nature. The emphasis is on my own personal practice. I know that placing my feet in grass is very grounding for me. The vitamin D is the best medicine for my depression. Early morning yoga in the park is a great way to start the day.
  3. Going to the pool more with the short person. I love spending time with the short person. At the pool King can practice what he is learning at his swim classes. I can stare at him in awe as his makes friends quickly and easily with other short people and adults. It is fun to play with your kids.
  4. Family field trips. We are going to the beach. The guys can build sand castles and I can sip adult beverages while catching up on my reading. Big fun!
  5. Grown up time with the hubby. Gets your mind out of the gutter, but you can leave your body there. Ha! I don’t necessarily mean doing the grownup although that is always a bonus, I simply mean dating. I want to go out with my husband and have a good time, doing things that we like to do without the short person. Sorry King, you can’t go!
  6. Playing in makeup. My look is flawless natural. This look requires makeup. Never mind the contradiction. I have been having a ball finding which concealer, foundation and lipsticks look best on me. I am learning what my facial assets are and where I need to embellish. This summer I am going to try different highlighters. When the sun  hits my face I want to shimmer and catch your eye. Make you look again! LOL, such foolishness, but that’s the point!
  7. I’m going to create more content! Blogging is fun for me. Yes, it’s a tool to journal my healing and a place to offer tried and true resources to help mothers stay sane while working fulltime. But it is also a place where I get to try new things, take chances and improve. That’s fun for me.

Shakira, my belly dancer sister sums it up best:  “If I can contribute to people having fun, I would feel very fulfilled as an artist.”

Start watching at 2:23 for the hot dance sequence. This video is dated and the old technology may annoy you. The the choreography will last a lifetime.

I love you and want the best for you. Namaste!

~Thembi

40 year old blogger, is that a thing?

40 year old blogger, is that a thing?

Dang on write it is a thing! My 40th birthday was lit. I do not care if you think I’m too old to use that word. I have dedicated this new decade to traveling more. I booked a trip to Mexico as birthday present to myself. Yeye and the in-laws tended to the short person while the husbanator and I took our first vacation since King was born.

Mayan Ruins

 

Riviera Maya, Akumal

 

Trying to maintain my warrior on top of a hill.

We went to Mexico and got a much needed break along with the ability to sleep in with no alarm clock and we consumed large amounts of vitamin D while sipping adult beverages. I also got an unexpected treat. My husband threw me a surprise party. Bless his heart! He got all the people who love me to fill up a room. I have never thrown myself a party because I used to believe a lie. I believed that because I was such an introvert I would never have enough friends to fill up a room. That was a lie! A horrible lie from the pit of hell.

I was so overwhelmed by the love, I started to cry. I cried, an ugly cry and hugged and kissed everyone in the room. My cousin told me she had never seen me cry before, not even at our grandmother’s funeral. The shade!

Me with the cuzzo and my ugly cry!

 

The bestie was in on it too!

 

The husbanator had t-shirts made

Even though turning 40 brought a great deal of joy it also brings introspection. I had to revisit the reasons I have this blog, like what is the point? Why do I keep writing? Why do I advocate wellness for mothers, especially in the area of mental health?

Turning 40 brings clarity! Click To Tweet

The answer is simple. I can’t help it. No matter how far I run I always end up back here; writing, teaching and advocating because this is how I choose to do life. And guess what!? There is a niche for my age group with a lot of dope bloggers to be inspired by. I am in great company, here are few of my favs, check them out:

Mommy Talk Show
Abiola Abrams
Glamazini
Fashion on the 4th floor
Sonia Marie

These women are brown, brilliant and 40 or over. These women serve as reminders and as winks from the universe that all things are possible. Namaste.

Purple Colored Rage: 3 ways to use lavender

Satan tried it, but I’m a demon slayer. The recent political climate has made me physically ill. I’ve tried various coping mechanisms. The first was to flee. I refused to watch the news, I closed down my facebook account and kept checking the date on my passport. Family is an anchor, if it weren’t for the guys I would be in another country right now. Cuba is looking very inviting and I still have family in Jamaica.

Then here comes sadness. I’ve been in my feelings; feeding them bagels, fries and refined sugar. Finally arriving at rage, my inner seething literally broke my immune system down. During the MLK weekend and the inauguration weekend I was sick in bed unable to do anything but sleep.

So my first order of action is MORE self care. Loving on myself is priority number one. I must be more intentional with taking care of myself which means trying new things for the benefit of my total wellness. I reintroduced myself to lavender. I haven’t been a fan in the past but I have found three ways to integrated lavender into my life and receive its calming benefit.

I drink Yogi’s Stress Relief Honey Lavender Tea. I made the mistake of drinking this tea at the day job and kept nodding off while the children were talking to me. Don’t be like me. Drink it before going to bed for optimum results. Another thing that has been helping me maintain is the use of oils. While decluttering I found a vial of lavender and vanilla oil. I place a few drops on temples and wrists during meditation. Focusing on the scent helps me find stillness quickly.

The family fave is Ganga incense. It is a mixture of cinnamon, lavender and jasmine. If heaven had a smell, this would be it. You only have to burn it for a few minutes for it to permeate the house. It changes the vibe instantly.
I know things appear bleak but take care of yourself. Remember that not much freedom fighting can be done from the inside of a straitjacket.

Namaste.