For the Fathers that Need Forgiveness

If you have been following my blog for any amount of time or know me personally then you know my father and I have a very tumultuous past. You can read more about it in my soon to be released e-book, Resilient: Just Another Name For Brown Girl. Up until recently, the relationship between my Dad and I consisted of sporadic phone calls usually on holidays. Last month my father and his wife came to visit me and my family. King serves as a constant reminder that I didn’t simply hatch from my mothers’ egg. He looks very much like my father’s people.

The visit was an example of the fact that people can change and miracles are possible. My father and I had a candid conversation. I was able to ask difficult questions and my father was honest with his answers. He also told me about his life and upbringing and some of the ways that he was broken. I heard it first hand from his mouth. And then the unimaginable happened; he apologized. And he did it at a table full of witnesses. For the first time in my life I was able to forgive him. I said I had in the past but there were still parts of me that held on to resentment. But that day I was free, I released all the hurt and pain that surrounded that part of my life.

King wearing Pop-pop's hat!
King wearing Pop-pop’s hat!

My father and the toddler got along great. My husband chose a less than kid friendly restaurant to eat at and King showed his displeasure. I was in my ignoring phase and the hubby was frustrated. Pop-pop aka my Dad scooped up my little one and entertained him so we could enjoy our food. That was a real grandpa move. Babies are magic and I was grateful.

Before my Dad left he told me the one thing that lets me know that this transition in our relationship is the real deal. He told me that it was better that I got to know the man that he was now and that the man he used to be wasn’t ready for a relationship with me. I respected him so much for telling me that. Maybe in the past I wasn’t emotionally mature or ready to forge a real relationship with my father. After the birth of King I was ready to put my emotions aside for the benefit of my kid. I became open to the idea of a relationship because I wanted my son to have a grandfather. Not only did King get a Pop-pop but I also got a Dad. Happy father’s day, ya’ll!

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