But are you having fun though? 7 ways to add more fun into your life.

Hey Party People,

I am officially on summer break. Thank ya! The good Lawd ended the school year right before I passed out from exhaustion. I don’t appreciate being dragged to the edge like this! This school year we buried a principal and a student. I spent so much time taking care of others meanwhile I was being held together with cheap scotch tape. Ole church people teach you not to question God but that has never made any sense to me. I got questions, lot’s of them! Why lawd?

In an effort to fill the holes that were poked in my spirit I am being deliberate about having fun. Everyday this summer I am waking up with the desire to find more joy. You know I’m a social scientist and I love being my own guinea pig. You know I am a social scientist and I love being my own guinea pig. Click To Tweet Here are seven ways that I plan on having fun this summer, on purpose.

  1. Taking dance classes. Dance reminds me of my childhood. Growing up I took classes and performed. Dance allows me to be free and creative. It is also a beautiful place to channel my fire. Raqs shaqui aka belly dance, is a style of dance that I discovered as an adult. I have practiced off and on for years. This dance allows me to celebrate myself. In belly dance class I smile at myself in the mirror moving in the most natural feminine ways and having the best time!
  2. Yoga in nature. The emphasis is on my own personal practice. I know that placing my feet in grass is very grounding for me. The vitamin D is the best medicine for my depression. Early morning yoga in the park is a great way to start the day.
  3. Going to the pool more with the short person. I love spending time with the short person. At the pool King can practice what he is learning at his swim classes. I can stare at him in awe as his makes friends quickly and easily with other short people and adults. It is fun to play with your kids.
  4. Family field trips. We are going to the beach. The guys can build sand castles and I can sip adult beverages while catching up on my reading. Big fun!
  5. Grown up time with the hubby. Gets your mind out of the gutter, but you can leave your body there. Ha! I don’t necessarily mean doing the grownup although that is always a bonus, I simply mean dating. I want to go out with my husband and have a good time, doing things that we like to do without the short person. Sorry King, you can’t go!
  6. Playing in makeup. My look is flawless natural. This look requires makeup. Never mind the contradiction. I have been having a ball finding which concealer, foundation and lipsticks look best on me. I am learning what my facial assets are and where I need to embellish. This summer I am going to try different highlighters. When the sun  hits my face I want to shimmer and catch your eye. Make you look again! LOL, such foolishness, but that’s the point!
  7. I’m going to create more content! Blogging is fun for me. Yes, it’s a tool to journal my healing and a place to offer tried and true resources to help mothers stay sane while working fulltime. But it is also a place where I get to try new things, take chances and improve. That’s fun for me.

Shakira, my belly dancer sister sums it up best:  “If I can contribute to people having fun, I would feel very fulfilled as an artist.”

Start watching at 2:23 for the hot dance sequence. This video is dated and the old technology may annoy you. The the choreography will last a lifetime.

I love you and want the best for you. Namaste!


3 ways to tap into your intuition

Becoming a mother requires that you activate your superpowers. The ability to tap into your intuition is one of them. The ability to make decisions based solely on your gut, holy spirit, intuition or whatever you’d like to call it; and the ability to be confident that you have made the right decision requires practice.

Shut The F*&K Up!

The first thing you need to do is shut up.  You cannot hear your intuition if you are always flapping your gums or thinking (which is mentally flapping your gums). You must learn to be still and listen. Find a quiet a spot, I always recommend sitting on the floor for grounding purposes, acknowledge your intuition and ask it to help you make a decision. Start with a small specific question and then work up to the larger more critical decisions. It will take time to differentiate between your own voice and your intuition. Here is a tip, your intuition will only vibrate at the level of love, it is you God consciousness. Any answer that does not have love at the center is not your intuition leading you. Your intuition will never tell you to do harm but it will protect you from harm.

Listen To Your Gut.

Secondly, learn your body. That uneasy feeling you get in your stomach when a sketchy person walks in the room or when the hair on your arms or the back of your neck stand up. What was going on the last time you got goose bumps? These are physical signs of your intuition talking to you. Your body is responding involuntarily and the responses are information. Listen to your body. Click To Tweet

Get Free Writing.

Lastly, free write. One of my favorite books, The Artist’s Way  explains free writing and provides exercises, I highly recommend reading it.  Free write for five minutes, brain dump everything without thinking about or evaluating it. Do not worry about punctuation, grammar or spelling. Simply get the words on the paper. Set a timer. When the timer goes off get a clean sheet of paper. Ask your intuition a specific question, a superficial one. Try the free writing for 90 days before asking it about the tough stuff.  After you have asked your intuition to guide you, allow the answer to come through you onto the paper without thinking too hard or judging what is is being written. I recommend having a journal specifically for free writes and another for answers from your intuition. Let me know if these tips helped you and share with me if you have a different way of tapping into your intuition. I’d love to read about it in the comments.


5 hip hop songs you can use as affirmations

I like to define affirmations as verbal magic. defines it as the assertion that something exists or is true. Affirmations speak into existence what you what to see. We do it all the time unintentionally. It is the programming of the subconscious mind. Affirmations when used correctly raise your vibration and level of commitment to the thing you want to have or see happen in your life. I’m a yogi that curses, drinks wine, engages in occasional pettiness (I’m working on it) and listens to hip hop. When you are not in the mood for wind chimes, gongs or flutes, I offer you this:

Fall madly and deeply in love with yourself. Love thy neighbor as you love thyself. (Matthew 22:39) It’s your greatest commandment! We are treating each other poorly because we treat ourselves that way.

1. I by Kendrick Lamar


You have purpose. You are an answered prayer.

2. Casa Bey by Yasiin Bey


This song is kind of hookie but you can play it around the kids. A two for one self-esteem boost.

3. I Can by Nas


A grateful heart ends all suffering. I’m ready for my miracle, are you?

4. Blessings by Chance The Rapper


When fear creeps in, choose love.

5. Love Is by Common

*Bonus cut for those of us on that abundance journey!



P.S. I had a hard time finding a song by a female MC that could serve as an affirmation. Even Lauryn Hill didn’t resonate with me. What hip hop songs raise your vibrations? Leave a comment.

Ms. to Mrs. in a day!

My husband and I are going on our third year of marriage. I have no issue with exchanging one man’s sir name for another; it’s just that tasks with multiple steps always overwhelm me. You cannot conquer a thing until you face it. I faced it head on. This is how you go from Ms. to Mrs. in a day:

Visit the clerk’s office in your local court-house

You will need an official copy of your marriage license. It must have the raised seal on it. You need this before you do anything else. And guess what? You have to pay for your OWN marriage license. This was my first stop and I was there early I was in and out in 15 minutes. Not bad so far.

Visit the Social Security office

The social security office opened at 9. I was there at 9:45. I began the line outside. There were sights to see and odors to smell. I spent some time on social media and an hour later I made it to the window. The whole thing took ten minutes and I left with a receipt and a promise that I would have a new social security card in 7 to 10 business days.

Visit the DMV

I brought my entire safe. Every time I go to there, I am asked for a different piece of identification. I was armed with my passport, a utility bill, marriage license and my social security receipt. Hurry up and wait was the name of the game. The silver lining in the dirty a$$ cloud was that I ended up with a cute picture on my new license.

God bless the husbanator. Lunch was waiting for me in the car. It’s nice being Mrs. Deck.


When unresolved childhood issues make you pick stupid fights with your spouse.

For Christmas I wanted to stay in my pajamas until 12:00 PM. I wanted to eat food I cooked and go see the new Will Smith movie, Concussion. But, I am no longer an I. I am now a we. I have married into a huge, close and loving family. We had one floor of our house filled with gifts for my husband’s family. There are a lot of them.

Christmas eve I asked my mother to make escovitch fish.  I cooked macaroni & cheese, Jamaican beans & rice, and squash sweet potato soufflé. After I cook more food this night than I have probably cooked all month;  I trap myself in my office to wrap gifts. My fine motor skills start to give me trouble. It is probably because of the two glasses of special eggnog my husband has made. I am having difficulty with the wrapping paper. Everything ends up in gift bags. Just say no.

When I emerge from my private space and join my husband on the couch, the air is thick.

“What’s up your ass?”, I ask.

I’m a great conversation starter.

“Nothing.”, says Papa Bear.

I stare at him without blinking boring a hole into his third eye. He asks why I’m looking at him and I say nothing. Finally, he spills the beans.

“I thought escovitch fish was cooked in the oven? The whole damn house smells like fish!”

Ugh. What?

“No, it’s fried. That’s the authentic way.”, I say.

Immediately, I feel the heat rise in my spine. Then I take a long full lung breath. I’m growing ya’ll.

I tell my husband that I asked my mother to make the dish, which he already knows since we talked about what we wanted to eat for the holidays. Then he ask if I can remember him every frying in the house. I cannot recall a time. He has even taken the deep fryer outside in the winter to cook when I desired fried fish. I sigh and go upstairs to start burning incense throughout the house. As I’m doing this my mother is asking me a million questions and following me around as I try to filter my responses based on her sensitivity level. I start to feel hot again. My chest is starting to tighten. I’m still not clear why Papa Bear is mad although I’m clear now frying in the house is a bad idea. I’m also irritated because now my mother is defensive and the food is going to end up tasting like regret.

I decide to apologize first. It’s Christmas eve damn it!  We are going to be happy in this house! I go back down to the basement.

“Babe, I apologize if you feel disrespected in our home. I didn’t know there was an official no fry rule in the house. ”

I’m trying my best and even in sincerity, I can seem sarcastic. Thank God he knows me.

“It’s not you it’s me.”, he responds.

” I apologize. My frustration comes from childhood. My bedroom was in the basement growing up. My mother would fry shit almost every day and that stuff got into my clothes. I had to go to school or practice always smelling like something fried. It’s not you babe, it’s not your mother. It’s totally me. My clothes always stunk and kids made fun of me.”

While he tells the story I relived his angst and tried to empathize. Poor pooh I thought. Then I burst into uncontrollable fits of giggles. Doubled over holding my stomach in a fit of giggles. Tears start to fall from my eyes. There is a part of me that hopes I haven’t made things worse but I can’t stop laughing.

Midway through I realize he is laughing too.